


Believe

by fab_fan



Category: Motherland: Fort Salem (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Scene Rewrite, This hurt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24421318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fab_fan/pseuds/fab_fan
Summary: Her hand came up to the icy steel. Her palm flattened on the door. Drew in the harsh absolution it offered. Let it seep into her veins and banish any sense of fragile hope and dreams within. It was a barrier once crossed that would forever change her life. Let her become a black hole, a void of nothingness.The room stilled.The world stopped turning.Time froze.With a haggard desperate growl, Raelle ripped herself away from it. She whipped around, tears drenching her cheeks as she flung herself into the abyss. “How could you?”Tiny rewrite of that scene in 1x09...because I'm a masochist.
Relationships: Raelle Collar/Scylla Ramshorn
Comments: 22
Kudos: 110





	Believe

**Author's Note:**

> It had to happen. Might lead to more. Left it open right now because of that. (I may have ideas)

“I chose you!”

The words reverberated against the cold stone walls. Desperate. Beseeching. True.

Raelle stopped, her feet refusing to move one inch further. Her mind warred with her body. 

It was a lie. It was all lies. Scylla used her. Targeted her.  _ Broke her.  _ It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real.

Yet, her body knew that voice. Could never walk away from its owner. Her entire being shook, begging to go back. To look upon the blue eyes that haunted her dreams and touch the woman that meant everything to her. Hold her close and never let go.

Her hands clenched as Scylla continued, each tear filled word a dagger to Raelle’s already torn apart heart. “I had orders to deliver you. I chose you...instead of them. I chose you.”

Raelle fought to hold back the tears. She wouldn’t cry. Not over her. Not over this person. She refused to think of her name. Couldn’t let herself sound out the syllables in her head. 

Couldn’t lose the tenuous grip she had on her anger.

Without the anger, what else did she have but emptiness? A shattered soul that for one fleeting moment thought it had found its mate. Had found the one person on this planet that was meant for her. 

She had been so stupid.

She was still so stupid. 

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

She wanted to run away. She wanted to cover her ears and block out the sounds. Close her eyes and imagine herself back in her dorm. Back in the Cession. Back in the tiny barrack’s bed with the woman who owned her heart and fit so perfectly in her arms.

She wanted to hate her. Let the anger consume her with its bright red flames until she incinerated every single feeling inside of her. Became nothing more than an empty shell. No more pain. No more regret or agony or self-hatred. 

She was always going to be the one this would happen to. The weak one. She couldn’t save her mama. She wasn’t a leader. Wasn’t cut out for anything more than being war meat.

Scylla made her believe there was a chance. Her life was worth something. Could be something. She could be happy. Like her parents were before everything went to shit.

But, just like her false hopes in her mom returning home, she had false dreams of a girl who never really wanted her. Never loved her.

“Please,”

That one word, spoken with such need, such grief and hope and want and pain and fucking love.

_ Please. _

_ Please. _

_ Please. _

Whatever grasp Raelle had on her last thread of strength was obliterated. The tears came hot and fast as her face crumpled. Her chest tightened and her stomach ached. She felt sick. She couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. 

_ Please. _

_ Please. _

_ Please. _

She lurched forward. She had to leave. Had to walk away. Be done with this. 

Done with feeling.

Her body screamed at her with each jerk of a limb, each drop of a heel.

The door loomed in the darkness. Shadows dancing on it from the bright lights like devils dancing on pins. Like beckoning hands, tempting her with promises of salvation. All she had to do was leave, forget the person behind her.

Scylla.

Her hand came up to the icy steel. Her palm flattened on the door. Drew in the harsh absolution it offered. Let it seep into her veins and banish any sense of fragile hope and dreams within. It was a barrier once crossed that would forever change her life. Let her become a black hole, a void of nothingness.

The room stilled.

The world stopped turning.

Time froze.

With a haggard desperate growl, Raelle ripped herself away from it. She whipped around, tears drenching her cheeks as she flung herself into the abyss. “How could you?”

Scylla gasped. She leant forward as far as the chains would let her. “Raelle.”

“No,” Raelle shook her head so hard her neck cracked, “No. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to…to say that to me. You don’t get to do that.”

Scylla’s tears matched Raelle’s, hot and thick. Tracks dripped through the dirt smudged across her face.

Raelle roughly pressed her lips together, fighting back the sob deep in the back of her throat. Her gaze swung around wildly, hitting on every corner of the room but not seeing any of it, “I believed you.” Her voice rose, cracking painfully, “I believed you!”

“Raelle, please.” Scylla implored, working to capture her gaze. She fought to keep her voice even, calm. To help settle the wildness before her. “Look at me.”

“No, no.” Raelle violently shook her head. “I loved you, Scyl. I loved you!” 

“I love you.”

“You don’t do this to someone you love.”

Scylla’s breath caught in her chest. 

Raelle finally looked at her, eyes pinning her to the chair, staring straight into her own and diving deep inside, “I wanted you more than anything.  _ I wanted you _ .”

Scylla gulped and gasped, “ _ You _ are  _ all  _ I’ve ever wanted.” Her chains rattled, “I will always want you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t...I didn’t know what to do.”

Raelle grabbed at her jacket, fingers digging into the fabric in search of...something. Something to hold on to. The seams strained as she pulled at it, “You made love to me.”

Scylla’s chin quivered.

“You touched me. You let me touch you, hold you, kiss you. All so you could get your mark.”

“NO!” Scylla cried out. “No, it wasn’t like that. It was never like that.” Her hands reached out, searching for their partners. Needing to make her believe, to comfort, to hold. “Every single touch was real. Raelle, please, you have to believe me. If nothing else, believe I love you. I. Love. You.”

Raelle’s fingers ached with how tightly they formed fists.

“Rae,” Scyl whimpered, the last vestiges of strength gone.

Raelle’s teeth gnashed together, jaw clenched. Thenext words came out bitter and black, “What better way for the Spree to fuck the Army than you fucking the kid of a civilian, right?”

Scylla’s head snapped back, “Raelle.”

“It’s true, right? You fucked me. Who better to fuck than the broken kid with a dead mom and a civilian dad? Who else would be so weak?”

Scylla glared at her, “Don’t  _ ever _ talk about yourself like that.”

“What should I say?”

“It was never like that and you know it. You know it, Raelle.” 

“I don’t know anything! How can I? Everything you ever told me was a lie.”

“I never lied to you about how I feel.” Scylla yelled back. “I want you. I  _ love you _ . I would do anything for you.” She took in the younger woman, “And, you know that. You believe it. You're just too stubborn to admit it.”

“Oh, yeah. Sure. Right.” 

Scylla tried to calm herself, “You always think the worst of yourself. You always need to be all or nothing. You act like you don’t care and damn the consequences, but you do care! You care, Raelle. I know you. I lied to you. I hurt you. And, I hate myself for it. I am so so sorry. But, you know what we have is real. You  _ feel _ it.”

“I don’t feel anything.”

“Then, why are you here?”

She paused. Words were on the tip of her tongue. Unrelenting gruesome vicious words. Words that would cut through them both. Words that would end this.

Words she could not force past her lips.

“Raelle,” Scylla tried.

“I’m so stupid.” burst out.

“No. No, baby.” Scylla shook her head, “No, you’re not.”

“Why did you do this, Scyl?”

“Because. I fell in love with you. I will choose you every single time.”

The door creaked open, “Times up.” The door swung to reveal Anacostia, “Collar, we need to get you out of here before the next set of guards show up.”

Raelle didn’t look at her, eyes still on Scylla.

Neither gaze wavered.

Anacostia stepped into the room, “Private Collar.”

Scylla tried to smirk, to offer one last gift to her girl, “I’ll be sure to write. Send a postcard of the beach.”

The beach.

Both of their faces fell.

“Collar.” Anacostia called out.

With a tight nod, Raelle turned. She slowly walked toward the exit. As she started to pass Anacostia, she abruptly stopped. With an inaudible murmur, she spun on her heel and strode back to Scylla. 

Scylla gasped as hands cupped her face, a familiar body dropping to her knees in front of her. 

She collapsed as a forehead touched her own.

She clawed at the deceptively strong wrists helping to cradle her face. Chapped fingers encircling and holding on for dear life. The steady pulse under her thumb thundered in her heart.

“I love you.” Raelle whispered, words catching.

Scylla sobbed, heart destroyed and healed with three little words, “I love you.”

“Collar, we have to go now.” 

Scylla gave a light squeeze, “Go. Be safe. You are so powerful, Rae, don’t forget that. You are  _ so much _ .”

Raelle sniffled.

Scylla smirked sadly, “Look me up next time you’re in the Caribbean. We can go dancing. I’ll buy you a drink.”

“Collar!”

Raelle nodded. With one last caress of her thumb along Scylla’s cheek, she pulled away. 

It took every ounce of will power Scylla ever possessed to not cry out at the loss.

Raelle reluctantly walked away, Anacostia sparing a look at Scylla before shutting the door.

Leaving her alone once more.

The walls witnessed the lone figure crumble with a primordial scream that would haunt anyone who heard it for generations.

**Author's Note:**

> I fully support what happened in the show and Raelle not turning around. That is who she is. But, I couldn't help myself.


End file.
